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I haven't been around...
Aug. 23rd, 2019 09:52 amI haven't been around lately. I know.
It's been really hard for me. I am trying not to let this journal be me spilling out just how fucking edgy and depressed I am, but the truth is, part of this journal is to help me work out the fact that I live in a perpetual state of anxiety and it causes my quality of life to really suffer.
I haven't been sleeping well. I am having immense pain in my abdominal area. I have been considering scheduling a doctor's appointment for the pain, but it isn't constant and I don't know how to describe it. Something that I have found that is unique to the female experience of visiting doctors is that, when we experience pain, we are easily written off and not heard. There have been studies that show this is absolutely true. There is a bias in medicine, like it or not. It has shaped my experience with whether or not I go to the doctor when I have issues. And no, dudes. I don't want to hear about how you experience the same thing, because you honestly don't. You might experience an asshole/incompetent doctor who doesn't listen to you, but you do not experience the SAME thing. There is a huge difference in having bad luck in getting a bad doctor or dealing with a bad HMO versus dealing with systemic sexism that is built into a medical system. Designed to undermine you because of your gender. There is a difference.
Combative much? Maybe. I'm tired of everything going on around me and how dismissive people are with," Well what about my experience that I THINK compares but it actually doesn't because the root of the problem is very fucking different." Like, yeah, you deal with frustrations, not fucking hurdles. Fight me.
I want a dog. Husband doesn't want a dog. It's upsetting me and stressing me out, and I guess I just have to deal with not getting a dog until he feels comfortable with the idea. Who the hell knows when that will be. My suspicions are that I am just not going to get a dog.
Am I being a bit melodramatic about everything? Fucking maybe. Or maybe I am just sick of everything going on around me. Hint: I am sick of everything.
I probably just need a really long weekend of not socializing and hiding and recharging. I haven't had that in months. I might be losing my mind because I am being forced to people when I really need to not people. I need time away from peopling.
Anyway, I am going to shut off comments for this post because I really don't care about anyone's opinion right now.
I'm sorry.
It's been really hard for me. I am trying not to let this journal be me spilling out just how fucking edgy and depressed I am, but the truth is, part of this journal is to help me work out the fact that I live in a perpetual state of anxiety and it causes my quality of life to really suffer.
I haven't been sleeping well. I am having immense pain in my abdominal area. I have been considering scheduling a doctor's appointment for the pain, but it isn't constant and I don't know how to describe it. Something that I have found that is unique to the female experience of visiting doctors is that, when we experience pain, we are easily written off and not heard. There have been studies that show this is absolutely true. There is a bias in medicine, like it or not. It has shaped my experience with whether or not I go to the doctor when I have issues. And no, dudes. I don't want to hear about how you experience the same thing, because you honestly don't. You might experience an asshole/incompetent doctor who doesn't listen to you, but you do not experience the SAME thing. There is a huge difference in having bad luck in getting a bad doctor or dealing with a bad HMO versus dealing with systemic sexism that is built into a medical system. Designed to undermine you because of your gender. There is a difference.
Combative much? Maybe. I'm tired of everything going on around me and how dismissive people are with," Well what about my experience that I THINK compares but it actually doesn't because the root of the problem is very fucking different." Like, yeah, you deal with frustrations, not fucking hurdles. Fight me.
I want a dog. Husband doesn't want a dog. It's upsetting me and stressing me out, and I guess I just have to deal with not getting a dog until he feels comfortable with the idea. Who the hell knows when that will be. My suspicions are that I am just not going to get a dog.
Am I being a bit melodramatic about everything? Fucking maybe. Or maybe I am just sick of everything going on around me. Hint: I am sick of everything.
I probably just need a really long weekend of not socializing and hiding and recharging. I haven't had that in months. I might be losing my mind because I am being forced to people when I really need to not people. I need time away from peopling.
Anyway, I am going to shut off comments for this post because I really don't care about anyone's opinion right now.
I'm sorry.
