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It's been almost like a season of feeling the same restlessness and irritability for as long as I can remember. I feel like it's the one thing I keep repeating about my experience of life lately;
"I'm annoyed."
"I'm bored."
"I'm exhausted."
"I am tired of my own mediocrity... there has to be a way to channel whatever is trying to make itself known."
I really don't fucking know what my problem is. And I will repeat this over and over, but I really do hope that when we move into the house, the large amount of space will be inspiration enough to spark some real change in my behavior and habits.
We're getting the internet installed on Saturday. That should help jump start the remaining moving we need to do. Home ownership still doesn't feel real to me. Probably because we aren't living there. I mean, obviously that would contribute to not feeling like we own a house.
For a long time now, I have had this feeling that there is something I am SUPPOSED to be doing, and I have no fucking clue what it is. Every time I think about all of the things I want to be doing, none of it strikes me as," OH! YES! THAT'S THE THING THAT WILL MAKE THIS FEELING GO AWAY!". It is definitely an incessant need to be productive, but what is "productive"? I don't even know what I consider to be. Fuck, I really want some coffee.
If I didn't think it would make me need to take NyQuil in order to fall asleep, I would totally have a cup of coffee right now. I really want more water as well, but I literally just got comfortable in my fucking work chair.
God dammit. I'm going to go get water, aren't I?
...
Water acquired!
It's really nice and overcast outside. Everything is so fucking green here. I really wish we were moved into the house and that we had patio furniture, because this is when I would LOVE to sit on the deck, stare at plants and drink something warm, like coffee or tea. Coffee sounds best, but I would settle for a nice cup of tea.
I've been having a really hard time choosing the room I want for my art studio. Jordan actually took the best room in the house for his office, but in fairness, he works from home, so he deserves a nice and comfortable room in which to work.
Ramble, ramble, ramble.
"I'm annoyed."
"I'm bored."
"I'm exhausted."
"I am tired of my own mediocrity... there has to be a way to channel whatever is trying to make itself known."
I really don't fucking know what my problem is. And I will repeat this over and over, but I really do hope that when we move into the house, the large amount of space will be inspiration enough to spark some real change in my behavior and habits.
We're getting the internet installed on Saturday. That should help jump start the remaining moving we need to do. Home ownership still doesn't feel real to me. Probably because we aren't living there. I mean, obviously that would contribute to not feeling like we own a house.
For a long time now, I have had this feeling that there is something I am SUPPOSED to be doing, and I have no fucking clue what it is. Every time I think about all of the things I want to be doing, none of it strikes me as," OH! YES! THAT'S THE THING THAT WILL MAKE THIS FEELING GO AWAY!". It is definitely an incessant need to be productive, but what is "productive"? I don't even know what I consider to be. Fuck, I really want some coffee.
If I didn't think it would make me need to take NyQuil in order to fall asleep, I would totally have a cup of coffee right now. I really want more water as well, but I literally just got comfortable in my fucking work chair.
God dammit. I'm going to go get water, aren't I?
...
Water acquired!
It's really nice and overcast outside. Everything is so fucking green here. I really wish we were moved into the house and that we had patio furniture, because this is when I would LOVE to sit on the deck, stare at plants and drink something warm, like coffee or tea. Coffee sounds best, but I would settle for a nice cup of tea.
I've been having a really hard time choosing the room I want for my art studio. Jordan actually took the best room in the house for his office, but in fairness, he works from home, so he deserves a nice and comfortable room in which to work.
Ramble, ramble, ramble.
